It is hot today - hotter than hell. 'Hell', in my mind, is anywhere above 95F. While some of you may shout something to the effect of "that encompasses more than 30% of the Earth at any given moment" my witty riposte would go something like this: "Blow me - 95F is hot, fuckwit! Unless you're a goddamned Iguana, which you might be you lizard-brained reactionary reptile fuck, you should be sweating your sack off and complaining like hell. Fucktard."
The heat makes me irritable - could you tell? Today my irritability has combined, Voltron-like, with a vast chasm of unfilled time to push me deep in to the internets, uncovering nuggets of truth and justice amidst the piles of demotivational posters and lolcat posts. Not really - I just spent a few hours cascade-reading on Wikipedia and found something that made me giggle. Reference the above painting.
It is a painting of Napoleon Bonaparte by Ingres upon his ascendancy to the "throne" of France in 1805. Right after the conclusion of The French Revolution. The revolution that overthrew France's reigning dynasty and its Absolute Monarchy. I like over-using periods.
I know this is a re-tread, given that anyone who has read a history book other than "Where's Waldo Through History" is acquainted the French Revolution and its subsequent elevation of irony to new, fantastic levels. I know all of this yet I don't care - this painting is fantastic on so many levels even outside of its historical significance.
For starters, here is who Napoleon replaced:
Really? This is what France fought the revolution over? Was Louis the XVI not wearing ENOUGH polar-bear fur for them?
(Effecting fake, Pepe LePew accent)
"We are taiyered of 'zis Monarchy and all of itz, how you sa'y, meddling in ze people's affayers? We would laike for a'veryone to have a sa'y in ze governing of ze pe'ple... Or we could have 'zis Napoleon, how you sa'y, cow fucker-- rule us in ze exact same way. Yes, letz try 'zat."
Really, that's what happened, except in a much less jingoistic, French bashing sort of way. It's like the differences in governing between the Bourbons and Napoleon came down to a contest to see who could wear more gold-brocade and endangered species in their respective outfits.
I know, I know - these paintings are meant to elevate the respective leaders above the populace; they were the propaganda posters of their day, conveying an impossible and unattainable ideal.
But you would think that, after having so recently nearly torn the country apart, the people would be a tad more sensitive to their new leader effecting the same posture as the one that they so recently deposed...
Well, Obama's wearing a Blue tie... That's gotta count for something.
Making Plans For Nigel (a short story)
8 years ago