Monday, March 1, 2010

I may be some time...




I think that my ass has become as numb and lifeless as the stool at the counter of my local café that I’m sitting on. I’m not sure though; let me check.

Yep, not moving.

All sense of touch and potential gropings has been squeezed out of my backside, bled out through a brilliant combination of not-moving and lack of hydration. Well, not lack of hydration so much as only ingesting arrhythmia-inducing amounts of caffeine instead of actual water. Water, while free, does not justify my sitting in a café for 5 hours at a time to the all-seeing barista; that is coffee’s job.

My $1.85 plus repeated fifty-cent refills pays my rent here, not 8oz. glasses of water available free of charge next to the sugar packets and napkins over my right shoulder. I could drink both at the same time but I have a limit to the amount of things I will stack in front of me in a public place and my laptop, coffee and cel phone fill that quota. No water for me then.

So here I sit; jittery and bled of fluid via my coffee enema, numb legs braided around my bar stool like a poorly thought-out friendship bracelet.

I wonder if I can flag someone down –solicit some help in getting off of my perch with a minimum of embarrassment—before I topple ass-over-tea-kettle off of here with a lack of perambulation that would make a paraplegic blush?

Visions of skyward facing feet tumbling leftward in a slow-motion arc, shoes shooting of in different directions as I crash to the ground, are filling my head.

“Shiftless layabout flattens 12 toddlers and a Dominican friar –news at eleven!”

I may be overreacting. I could just reach down and untangle my legs from this not-so-overly-complex single-poled bar stool I’m sitting, couldn’t I? Maybe. That’s the problem when I drink too much coffee: I come up with Rube Goldberg-esque solutions to, say, reaching for a pencil that is two inches out of my reach.

I’ll keep you posted on my progress.

29 comments:

  1. pleasure to find such a good artical! please keep update!! ........................................

    ReplyDelete
  2. We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull, Some have weird names , and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.............................................

    ReplyDelete
  3. 目標是什麼不重要,目標能產生什麼樣的效果才重要..................................................

    ReplyDelete
  4. 如果成為一支火柴,也要點亮一個短暫的宇宙;如果是一隻烏鴉,也要叫疼閉塞的耳膜。..................................................

    ReplyDelete
  5. 先告訴自己希望成為什麼樣的人,然後一步一步實踐必要的步驟。 ..................................................

    ReplyDelete
  6. 婚姻對男人來說是賭他的自由,對女人而言卻是賭她的幸福。..................................................................

    ReplyDelete
  7. 河水永遠是相同的,可是每一剎那又都是新的。.................................................................                           

    ReplyDelete
  8. 在莫非定律中有項笨蛋定律:「一個組織中的笨蛋,恆大於等於三分之二。」.................................................................

    ReplyDelete
  9. 來看你了~心在、愛在、牽掛在,幸福才會繁衍不息^^............................................................

    ReplyDelete
  10. 唯有用熱情、用智慧去觀察事物,這事物才會把他的秘密,洩漏給我們............................................................

    ReplyDelete
  11. 單純喜歡你的部落格,希望你能收到我的感謝 ^^............................................................

    ReplyDelete
  12. 傻氣的人喜歡給心 雖然每次都被笑了卻得到了別人的心..................................................................

    ReplyDelete
  13. 不會從失敗中找尋教訓的人,成功之路是遙遠的。.................................................

    ReplyDelete
  14. 當我微笑時,世界和我一起微笑;當我快樂時,世界和我一起活躍。..................................................

    ReplyDelete